Enough is Enough

I'm depressed... really depressed....

depression has set in.... and could not run away from the harsh reality....have been depressed since the 2nd week of school term.... since the day I faced my class.... when I heard so many things about them.... and worried that I could not support them throughout the whole entire sec 3 journey.... thus... depression set in.... depressed, worries..... could not run away.....

though depressed.... I do have kids who are there to support me through their lovely smiles, cranky jokes etc.... they are very very lovely kids.... pple like shu zhuang, zhi xiang, elwyn, fu qi, khairul, cindy, yung fung, tiong en and many more....

they are the ones who bring light and lighten my burden..... especially zhi xiang and elwyn.... initally they are the big bosses..... making noises, do not come to school regularly... yet now.... they are the ones who gain back the trust of others... they have been praised by others!! and this is the best gift in my life.... to know kids who are willing to give a try and build miracles... and I do wish that they could continue this hard work... and I would try my best to see all my kids thru sec 4.... and graduate together....

but there are pple in my class.... whom I could not reach out.... really cannot reach to them... I'm defeated badly in the battle... or have I not listen to their voices properly? have I not ask the correct questions to allow them to reach back to me?? I really don't know.... take an example... damien... a smart chap...yet he is one of my worries.... as I could not understand him at all.... I wanna to understand him yet I failed to do so.... I have failed badly as his FT, after 2 years and upcoming third year... I still don't understand him at all..... and there are too many pple in my class whom I do not have a personal touch with... thus I could not understand their thoughts and feelings...

Or am I the one enclosing my feelings... closing my doors?? or are they the ones who are building the great wall of China?? Who are the one responsible for the walls? for the barriers??

I'm depressed.... super depressed.... so bad till I wanna to hibernate..... hide to a hidden dungeon and rot my life there..... wahhhahaha.... sound cool and great.... why am I so depressed?? simple.... depressed over the fact that I actually losing patience and passion over my class... I do not used to have such feelings... I do not like such feelings.... how can I have such thoughts and feelings.... this is very very very bad.... I have creepy nightmares... I have not slept well since the 2nd week of school term.... sleeping and waking up in cold sweat... I kept falling into the black pit-hole... I do not like the feeling of losing passion... would I be able to love my kids more than ever?? I do not wanna them to suffer juz due to my depression....

would I be able to escape the blackhole???