Hmm last sunday, my friends and I decided to catch a film... name "Departures" ... initially I thought it was a film regarding air flights.... who knows... it was about pple working like the deathkeeper... they are a group of pple who help to clean the dead bodies and dressed them as beautiful as possible, before they are burned to ashes....
ah...interesting film I would say.... it gave pple many different views to think abt their lives... their values...
hahaha... another show which made me cried so much... that in the end I gave up using tissues... coz I think it would be a waste of tissues ^^ so I juz continued to cry and cry... crying...yes it did release part of my stress... and bring me back to life... it brings me back to this mother earth once again.... it makes me feel so good.....
I cried due to sadness.... especially when the living are grateful to them for helping their dead partners to look pretty before they truly end their lives.... and they are able to keep their beautiful looks in eternal memory.... ya indeed... it brought me back to my last look at my grandmother.... I regretted that I did not see her for the last time.... and I cried so hard coz in that film, others had the chance to see their dead partner for the last time...and it makes me realize that I never have that chance again... never ever see my grandmother again.... and this makes me feel so so sad... fill with sorrow... regrets....but what can I do now??
then when the last part of the film.... whereby the main lead found his dad....and dead... he was willing to clean his father...though he hated his father for leaving him and his mother for another women for the past 30 years... he kept cleaning... clean his face....and slowly it brought back the fond memories...and his memory of his father.... and that is when I broke down.... I truly broke down.... the kind of love that the son held for his father was strong and hid deep down in his heart... the intense love that he had... made me realize that I was not that strong.... nope I was not a strong person who can accept this.... but yet with this realization I would try to be stronger and worked towards creating a better living place for my family...and love them more than ever... this film brings back the human part of me....a part which was lost during the midst of my studies...yet it does bring back the anxiety part of me too.... now i am very worried abt tons of things....sigh...
but i would strongly recommend this film... it was worth watching ^^
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
it is blessings afterall
I was worried... I've that irky feeling since morning 4am today... I could not sleep again... I woke up and stare at the ceiling....
My father had weird feelings too... but none of us could figure out what is that....and wished I could know what is that at that point of time.... and something could be save .......
anyway.... around 7plus... my dad came back after sending my younger brother to army.... strange... he should be on his way to work.... how come??
after which.... he told my mom and me..... he met with car accident.... his car rear was badly damage....though still can drive.... I was shocked.... shaken.... yet I could not express that to my father.... all we can do was to ask my dad.... did he suffer from any bumps or any scratches.... anyway sent him to see doc...... lucky thing... it is over.... only physical damages to the car...
out of the sudden.... death once again came upon to my life.... though it is not the real thing.... and I could not think of the real thing happening to my family members.... sigh... thought that I had been suffering from diarrhoea for 4 days was bad enough... never I knew I would receive such news.... I was mentally and physically torn...
living with no regrets is my motto....yet for that instant I do have regrets.... regrets that I yet have the chance to travel with my parents since I worked as a teacher..... my working time schedule is tight.... and so difficult to arrange the correct timing for all..... but no more.... I would arrange trips to other countries with my parents.... bringing them to see the world.... all I wanna is my family members are happy .... I would be happy.... so though the horrible news came to me... it is a blessings afterall.... as I do get another chance to arrange events to make my family members happy especially my parents....
Parents are the greatest in the world... family members should be loved, so do try to spend quality time with your family members and do not impose too many things on them.... living together should be filled with funs and laughters.... and not asking them to achieve something that they could not achieve.... my parents never once pressurize me... all they said is "just do your best" and due to that... I have lived my life to the fullest till now... and would continue to live my life to the fullest together with my family members =)
My father had weird feelings too... but none of us could figure out what is that....and wished I could know what is that at that point of time.... and something could be save .......
anyway.... around 7plus... my dad came back after sending my younger brother to army.... strange... he should be on his way to work.... how come??
after which.... he told my mom and me..... he met with car accident.... his car rear was badly damage....though still can drive.... I was shocked.... shaken.... yet I could not express that to my father.... all we can do was to ask my dad.... did he suffer from any bumps or any scratches.... anyway sent him to see doc...... lucky thing... it is over.... only physical damages to the car...
out of the sudden.... death once again came upon to my life.... though it is not the real thing.... and I could not think of the real thing happening to my family members.... sigh... thought that I had been suffering from diarrhoea for 4 days was bad enough... never I knew I would receive such news.... I was mentally and physically torn...
living with no regrets is my motto....yet for that instant I do have regrets.... regrets that I yet have the chance to travel with my parents since I worked as a teacher..... my working time schedule is tight.... and so difficult to arrange the correct timing for all..... but no more.... I would arrange trips to other countries with my parents.... bringing them to see the world.... all I wanna is my family members are happy .... I would be happy.... so though the horrible news came to me... it is a blessings afterall.... as I do get another chance to arrange events to make my family members happy especially my parents....
Parents are the greatest in the world... family members should be loved, so do try to spend quality time with your family members and do not impose too many things on them.... living together should be filled with funs and laughters.... and not asking them to achieve something that they could not achieve.... my parents never once pressurize me... all they said is "just do your best" and due to that... I have lived my life to the fullest till now... and would continue to live my life to the fullest together with my family members =)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Enough is Enough
I'm depressed... really depressed....
depression has set in.... and could not run away from the harsh reality....have been depressed since the 2nd week of school term.... since the day I faced my class.... when I heard so many things about them.... and worried that I could not support them throughout the whole entire sec 3 journey.... thus... depression set in.... depressed, worries..... could not run away.....
though depressed.... I do have kids who are there to support me through their lovely smiles, cranky jokes etc.... they are very very lovely kids.... pple like shu zhuang, zhi xiang, elwyn, fu qi, khairul, cindy, yung fung, tiong en and many more....
they are the ones who bring light and lighten my burden..... especially zhi xiang and elwyn.... initally they are the big bosses..... making noises, do not come to school regularly... yet now.... they are the ones who gain back the trust of others... they have been praised by others!! and this is the best gift in my life.... to know kids who are willing to give a try and build miracles... and I do wish that they could continue this hard work... and I would try my best to see all my kids thru sec 4.... and graduate together....
but there are pple in my class.... whom I could not reach out.... really cannot reach to them... I'm defeated badly in the battle... or have I not listen to their voices properly? have I not ask the correct questions to allow them to reach back to me?? I really don't know.... take an example... damien... a smart chap...yet he is one of my worries.... as I could not understand him at all.... I wanna to understand him yet I failed to do so.... I have failed badly as his FT, after 2 years and upcoming third year... I still don't understand him at all..... and there are too many pple in my class whom I do not have a personal touch with... thus I could not understand their thoughts and feelings...
Or am I the one enclosing my feelings... closing my doors?? or are they the ones who are building the great wall of China?? Who are the one responsible for the walls? for the barriers??
I'm depressed.... super depressed.... so bad till I wanna to hibernate..... hide to a hidden dungeon and rot my life there..... wahhhahaha.... sound cool and great.... why am I so depressed?? simple.... depressed over the fact that I actually losing patience and passion over my class... I do not used to have such feelings... I do not like such feelings.... how can I have such thoughts and feelings.... this is very very very bad.... I have creepy nightmares... I have not slept well since the 2nd week of school term.... sleeping and waking up in cold sweat... I kept falling into the black pit-hole... I do not like the feeling of losing passion... would I be able to love my kids more than ever?? I do not wanna them to suffer juz due to my depression....
would I be able to escape the blackhole???
depression has set in.... and could not run away from the harsh reality....have been depressed since the 2nd week of school term.... since the day I faced my class.... when I heard so many things about them.... and worried that I could not support them throughout the whole entire sec 3 journey.... thus... depression set in.... depressed, worries..... could not run away.....
though depressed.... I do have kids who are there to support me through their lovely smiles, cranky jokes etc.... they are very very lovely kids.... pple like shu zhuang, zhi xiang, elwyn, fu qi, khairul, cindy, yung fung, tiong en and many more....
they are the ones who bring light and lighten my burden..... especially zhi xiang and elwyn.... initally they are the big bosses..... making noises, do not come to school regularly... yet now.... they are the ones who gain back the trust of others... they have been praised by others!! and this is the best gift in my life.... to know kids who are willing to give a try and build miracles... and I do wish that they could continue this hard work... and I would try my best to see all my kids thru sec 4.... and graduate together....
but there are pple in my class.... whom I could not reach out.... really cannot reach to them... I'm defeated badly in the battle... or have I not listen to their voices properly? have I not ask the correct questions to allow them to reach back to me?? I really don't know.... take an example... damien... a smart chap...yet he is one of my worries.... as I could not understand him at all.... I wanna to understand him yet I failed to do so.... I have failed badly as his FT, after 2 years and upcoming third year... I still don't understand him at all..... and there are too many pple in my class whom I do not have a personal touch with... thus I could not understand their thoughts and feelings...
Or am I the one enclosing my feelings... closing my doors?? or are they the ones who are building the great wall of China?? Who are the one responsible for the walls? for the barriers??
I'm depressed.... super depressed.... so bad till I wanna to hibernate..... hide to a hidden dungeon and rot my life there..... wahhhahaha.... sound cool and great.... why am I so depressed?? simple.... depressed over the fact that I actually losing patience and passion over my class... I do not used to have such feelings... I do not like such feelings.... how can I have such thoughts and feelings.... this is very very very bad.... I have creepy nightmares... I have not slept well since the 2nd week of school term.... sleeping and waking up in cold sweat... I kept falling into the black pit-hole... I do not like the feeling of losing passion... would I be able to love my kids more than ever?? I do not wanna them to suffer juz due to my depression....
would I be able to escape the blackhole???
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