weird dream

last nite..... had a weird dream.......

the sudden downpour caused massive flooding around me...... i saw pple running around..... i was in the midst of doing work........ then i called out to the pple around me to run towards the shelter...... and the erosion was so bad that most of the earth were eroded away by the rain..... there was a whirpool..... but lucky we were not affected though it drew near to us....

our belongings were slowly swiped away by the water..... i shouted out to pple to grab our stuffs..... i was sucked into the eroded earthern.... threw the stuffs away and quickly put myself out and ran to a safe envt..... i called out to others to keep digging to another safe place... pple were crying..... shaken..... dazed....... my voices could not reached them.......

i found myself witnessing the flood came rushing into the building........and lost to it................

so what does this dream mean??

no more.......

things are piling up yet i still trying to pull off by meeting the deadlines....

and i'm stressed out....totally stressed out and drained......

yet i would be facing more challenges and work ahead and meeting tons of deadlines........

if only i could choose....... i would choose.............
but it would be irresponsible of my own actions............

the more i tried to safe guard my loved ones feelings........ i hurt them and that the last thing in my mind........ i faced cases like this..........and turned out that things gone haywired ......... but at least i learnt something from there.........

it is so easy to tell others.....hey juz talk it out to others.........and u feel better..........
but it is so difficult for pple like me.......... i'm not expressive and i tend to keep on talking abt it and this make pple feel so sick abt it.............. and my job?? why pple tends to put labels onto me......... and it is making me feeling breathless..... feeling lost..... feeling frustrated........feeling so bottled........... what can i do........

i have no means of ways to tell pple........ when i try to tell others how i feel........ things would be cut off....... maybe this is it...... i shld have learn to listen even more than talking....

so no more talking....... no more talking .........

Linking depression with SAW movies

done with watching SAW series.... finally... praying hard that there's no more series if not there's no link to this serial killing anymore

well......it is fate that brought me to this series......it goes like this.....

this particular person is way too smart for anyone...and able to think way further than anyone else.... which is highly possible..... anyway he went on a killing spree after he found out that he got cancer and he wanted others to sort of making redemption/ repent on the things they have done in the past.... so he choose pple that he came across and those he deemed as bad person...by giving them a choice.... choose to live by hurting self/ others or choose to die...

this movie brought so many negative energy around...... to others it might be juz a movie which depicts killing...depicts psycho killer...... yet to me it is not......

it is more than juz that..... well can say i think too much or relate too much but this is what i see from the movies.....

it is saddening to watch this series..... though killing initially is bloody, distasteful...... so ugly.... look beyond the killing..... look beyond the blood....look beyond everything.... don't let such distasteful sight destroy the main concept of this story

pple are tied to chains....on the edge on dying.... they are screaming for help... this is similar to cases of depressions.... those pple who suffered from depressions are similar to this series.....
pple who suffered from depression.... some of them can identify some don't..... and all of them are tied down to chains... and these chains are locking them tight down.....

depression is like razor blades cutting their flesh..... painful yet not deadly.... unless left to bleed to its death... there are many pple who commit suicide due to depression..... in the movie... the pple are screaming for help yet in vain.... trying to find a way to survive thru the painful ordeal.... this is the true facts of life..... pple are screaming for help..... yet how many pple would be able to know.....

juz like in the movie.... all of the victims are locked in rooms which no one knows... this is the same.... pple suffering from depression....... they are locked in their own world with no clear marked exits.....no one can hear their screams..... it is not that they are not screaming yet their screams have been sealed off..... their ability to scream for help has been sealed for a moment... if they are strong enough..... and fast enough.... they would be able to fight back..... some pple are more fortunate...... coz they have been found by others and been saved by others.... then after which they found a new leash of life.......

but a twisted fact in this movie....which is also kinda true.... some pple may deemed to be freed and saved themselves and worked for the killer..... then in the end.... they would be killed..... this is the harsh reality for some pple..... there are cases whereby pple are on the road to recovery yet in the end.... they are been hit down by harsh reality once again and it dampened them further into the pithole.....and on the surface they deemed to be enjoying.... deemed to be living well.... but their emotional wellness are not......they are suffering yet no one knows.... and some of them have been marked by others stating that they shld have recovered or they shld not be suffering from it blah blah..... come to think again..... all of us are humans and we are bound by emotional ties....and we cannot escape from it.... and severity of the damage depends besides on the person who is suffering and the pple ard them...... whether there're support for them....

if not .... this would be forever silent screaming.........

sigh....

ever wonder have the things that i am working on for so long have been affecting my whole life?? i never given a thought to it.... till lately....

and re-considering the things i am going to do in the near future... would it further affect my life?? i seriously have no confidence in it.. coz it is difficult to say.... i am worried yet not willing to give up to do the things i loved so much... would i be able to find the inner peace to get it done??

judging from the things i saw.... i heard.... i guess i have to move on and fast.... time to let it go

letting my anxiety get it to me.... so be it... at least i have another direction i can move on.....

allow me to pray hard that i can find my own place, my directions, my purpose in life fast