Exhuasting Day

Hmm.... finally reached 2011..... and realized many things are lay in the way which we least expected...

Many changes which hit and affect my life.... =) well this is life......as we grow older..... we realized there are changes..... and whether we can accept the changes or not... this is something we need to reflect on..... and hope others could kindly accept the changes with grace.... and be kind to others who need to change.... commenting someone has changed in a harsh way would further dampen and destroy the spirit in a person.... how many pple can take it with grace I am not sure..... I am hoping that those who know who I am.... listen to my stories and take it with grace.... Listen it from the person at first hand and not others.... as how messages could be changed as we passed it on from different pple.... and at times.... it is hard for someone who is undergoing changes to inform anyone that he/she is changing..... it would be good to kindly ask the person.... sometimes these pple needs help while changing... we could just kind stretch our hands and aid them.... =) this is the same thing happening to anyone that is breathing in this mother earth right now.... learn to love with grace and not taking it too hardly.... just like my situation as follows.... struggling with a new class and the class is evolving....

Well for the start of new 2011.... things are pretty okie.... however.... I was challenged by a class.... my current CL B class.... rather huge class.... there are some students who are sincerely could not cope with Chinese.... with this back in my mind.... I would work hard to teach them the basic... however there are some.... whom have no interest in Learning Chinese.... for this group of students.... I seriously need to find new avenues to coach the easiest way to learn Chinese..... I told them..... whether they take normal Chinese or CL B... what I want most would be.... they learn a language..... learning different lifeskills which they might miss out....

Today lesson.... seriously did not go well for me..... I need to think of new ways to coach them.... and in hope that they learn some skills before they leave the school with their heads holding high and standing tall....

Seeking.... part 2

Hmm juz like Jacky.. watever things I mentioned... it became a problem... became horrible situations for me to handle.... well I guess it is time to re-learn how to deal with human beings... how to speak correctly....

sometimes... I deemed to be someone who loves to talk alot craps... but deep down inside... am I someone like that? hmmm I guess only those who knows me well enough may have the answer.... I am tired...

so how to get out of the circle?? well I went to see my friend a 1-2 months ago... he gave light to me.... gave directions to me... allowing me to re-find my purpose in life.... he also mentioned... learnt how to handle yourself before handling others.... maybe he is right abt it.... at times... I'm wondering how to communicate with another frd of mime.. after so long... and yearning for pple to understand me.... that kind of yearning led me to bump into too many situations which I find it hard to believe... ya at times my life is as interesting as the TV drama... sigh.... well I do wish one fine day... I can communciate with my frd at ease...

well it is time to let go of the frustration I have in me.... finally after struggling in my work for 6 years.... I never realized why I tried to do my best in work... things do not go smoothly... due to it.... my relationships with others.... facing threats... facing horrors... facing break ups.... after I heard all those comments... is it worth it? I taking back my life... my precious time .. and moving on....

Seeking

It has been awhile since my last written blog...

too many things happened..... which caused me to trap in some weird situations ... I could not understand why such situations keep appearing...

anyway..... it is time to let go of many things at hand.... and seek for help.... what kind of help?? a small break would be a great hand.... I do not know how to tackle certain issues... I am lost of words to explain or to say.....

But there are certain things I feel that I need to do before .... I mixed up my life events again..... so many times..... fates are twisted.... causing more and more complications...... so how to get out from there?? I also not too sure.... but I would give a try again....... to get things straight....

and began to realise many fates have changed over time...... my life changed drastically.... I do not like to talk much now.... coz realizing that.... the moments i speaked.... problems came out.... just like Jacky Cheung..... his intentions are good .... but his words are not put it at the finest way and misunderstood .... at times I could not bring my message cleared over..... it is different from work..... and the best part is.... i choose to keep mum.... coz peace is wat i longing for... but but when can I have peace??

letting it go is the best........ i would let all my stress to go off.... i would seek.....

Baby killer

very sad case....

when you decided to bring a child to this mother earth... thats where you are to take up new responsiblities and new roles in your life.... that is a new turning point for many parents.... yet this sad case has brought us into the new realm of darkness.....

but asking ourselves... why is it happening?? i guess there are many pple could not cope with many life changing events... and facing stress... pple simply gave up... like my previous msgs... many are crying within.... this man may face certain level of stress and in the wrong timing... he caused death of his young one.... this is the worst case to happen.....

sigh sadden by this shocking news

Reading part 1 =)

Finally after so so so longzzzz.... I can breathe happily without much despair..... with all the tons of stress, family problems, emotional struggle, problems with relationships..... finally it has come to an end for now.....

Finally... I could really breathe.... for survival.... I managed to find a way to look beyond my painful experiences... my sadness....my emotions.... all those which would "dragged me to the deepest level of Hell".... found a way to let go and look forward.....

Well... all these events... I shld have taken as challenges that GOD gave me.... yet during that point of despair I could not see it.... completely in Denial Mode.... Refused to get any Help or anything..... but lucky for me.... I have supportive family...friends....colleagues... and esp my hubby to be ^^_V Including my students... without them.... I don't think I could put it thru...... though for some of them did not say much..... their continual encouragement is very much appreciated....

So having the space to breathe.... I was guided by Fate....and bought a fantastic book =) it is known as "ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING" yeah!! indeed..... though I don't have all the time to finish in a go.... I actually appreciating every free moment to catch a few pages of the book =)... and every moment.... I learnt some new =)

ohh okie =) time to head out to buy gift for my mama =)

muz once again to thank many pple out there who are there for me...even I never voice out much =)

lately events...

re-learning to look forward in my life... is something I know yet new to me at this point of time.....

it has been long since I have learn to re-love myself..... though I have facials... those facials I went is for a purpose.... purpose to look beautiful?? >.< nope.... purpose of looking at my best during my friends' weddings..... this is call respect....

but back to the topic of re-learning to love myself...... I spoke to my good friend..... whom emphasized that I need to find a time for myself..... it is time for me to love myself..... most of my time I have devoted to work and my kids... indeed..... for a long long long time..... I did not have the chance to do things that I longed to do.... like having gatherings with my old friends..... I do not really have a chance...... to give up my duty during that time... was a tough decision.... coz to me.... work and duty have eat into my life.....and it was so bad that I could no longer recognize my own life or the things I longed to do..... in turn.... it was sad.... I lost my friends due to work ..... work stress..... and others.....

work stress.... something I did not know when did it started eating into my life..... and plus when I started my studies..... double stress...... all I know during that time.... was to work, study... nothing else...... I have lost directions.....and did not know what I can do during that time..... I could no longer tell others how I feel.... though it seems easy.... it is hard... coz simply.... adding stress to others is a no no.... this is how I view.... maybe I got bad experience in the past which taught me to keep things to myself and nothing else...... not saying that I cannot trust others..... yet.... what can I do?? adding more things to others?? hmm nope not in my dictionary..

anyway back to my first inital topic.... re-learning to love myself..... yes something I am working on in..... nowadays.... things have been starting to look better..... I finally could put all work down in my work place and head back home with stress free mind....and I would work the next day!! this is something I have achieved... well juz pray hard that I could keep up with this goal of mine ^^ and finding more other goals..... though at times I do wish to find back those things I have lost.... I know it is tough....

=.="

lately events.... have stirred storms in my gloomy days.....

though looking forward towards embracing an new lease of life ..... things juz came and blurred my vision.....

why it happened in this manner?? why they could not cope with the rules and regulations?? I have my duty and job to fufill.... yet they have completely misunderstood and become more and more defiant...... what can I do now?? I really at lost......

CNY is coming.......yet I do not have the mood to celebrate it......... ask me why......... I also not sure..... juz that if I can......... I would take off from here and go travelling........ but can I do that?? the answer is a confirmed NO........ certain events.....came and affected me....... how to relate back to them??? I do not know how........ juz it be??? will the problem be gone?? I also not sure......

anyway....... "raindrops keeping falling upon my head........."

tired....

so what can I do now??

nothing... there's nothing much I can do now.....and I don't know what can I do.... whom I can turn to.....

I don't think I can turn to anyone.....and I would not turn to anyone anymore.... coz the pple ard me........seems to have their own piece of problem...... I never wanna to add burden to anyone....... telling anyone abt it is definitely a NO NO for me

human only....

how to make pple to understand me??

it is tough and difficult.....

I tried getting my students to understand my stand... yet they become more defiant...and not willing to do anything..... I can no longer stretch my hand further to help them.... seeing them getting into more troubles is not wat i wanna.....yet some of them even request to be suspended from school... is it worth it??

then next.... i am facing too many problems at one go.....and it is disheartening to know that.... at times... pple expected things from you and not giving back to you .... what a great joke.... but this is harsh reality..... i cannot change others..... coz they have their own mindset.... juz did not like to be labelled by others....

after so many things.... i came to realization......i'm only a human being... who is not a deity.... i cannot do alot of things..... i am a human with feelings..... yet at times..... my feelings are not been taken into consideration..... i am only a human..... a human which faces breaking down again and again..... what can i do......

Dec trip....unforgettable trip

hmm.... I was suppose to have a short break for myself before the whole term start again in jan 2010...yet I was sent to taiwan to work for 8 days...then I need to bring my scouts for trip for another 8 days.....though tiring and was on official duty.... it was still worth it....

well.... I am not touching on my taiwan trip....coz rather the same for most of the days.....

what is more exciting and unforgettable would my trip with my scouts.....

this is the first official trip which I organized for my scouts....most of my time.... the trip was organized by others... and my scouts juz merely joined in.....and when I took over.... I realized I was not totally up to the task.....but I did not wanna my scouts to miss the chance.....so I went ahead and make the trip to be a real exciting trip for them.... but the planning side was tedious and draining....and it was so bad that it put my relationship to strain....and lucky thing my guy was a great one.... he supported me thru the planning.....even though he suffered from emotional hurt too....and I feel very very upset with myself.....but I am real glad that my guy supported me....and real glad that I found someone who adores me and my job ^^

hmm okie okie back to the trip..... well.... we went for white water rafting, high element and caving.... the rafting was cool and fun....... pple would think that you might drown.... maybe but if you are cool and dont panic you would be able to float.... but no worries..... the pple there are expert in handling us... so when we are trying to struggle... they would come near to us and give us the helping hand and I was able to survive.... haha i never went to play the high element...coz this is something I knew I can never do it.... it was so so so tall....and I had cold feet.... so I skipped and I regretted that.... hmmm if given the chance again......erm... I would skip again....haha coz I knew I can never do it de....

oh next caving.... hee this is the first time I did caving.....and the experience was fanstatic.... all of us gotten all wet and cold..... but teamwork was there... my grp pple were able to give others an helping hand... and I am very proud of my team ^^ they are such wonderful kids

hmm next is the wonderful, painful yet scary experience.......why wonderful?? the rovers, leader and scouts over in Malaysia....they were great host and great fun....they cracked jokes with us...and treated us juz like brothers and sisters..... and seeing the waterfall was a great pleasure....yet it became a painful experience.... why painful.... with the mindset that it was only a 1 hour walk to view the waterfall......we leaders decided to wear sandals and enjoyed the wondorous view of waterfall..... up the slope towards waterfall... I realized that my sandals was giving way....and in my mind 1 hour walk.... so it would be alright for me to take off my sandals and walked....who knows.......it turned out to be painful.... I suffered from cuts... bleeding soles.....and I kept dragging my soles to walk..... I tried to wear back my sandals but it was useless.... lucky thing I got my scouts to cheer me on and I struggled thru with bare feet....and kept going....and knocking my poor head against the logs and branches.... I am dead exhusated.... yet I kept moving.... with the waterfall in my mind.... and I need to lead my scouts too...so I need to keep walking.... finally I reached the waterfall!! and what is shocking the nightfall came faster than we expected it.....the jungle was in complete darkness.....

lucky thing I got torchlight from 1 of my leaders....we struggled down the mountain.... by the time we reached the waterfall.... we had climb for the past 3 hours!!! where got 1 hour?? OMG!!! inside my mind I was screaming .... yet I cannot fall down now.... coz I still need to lead my group pple back safely to the campsite..... with my 2 teachers in the front row....all of us marched down towards safe zone...... but I still move without my sandals..... but when we started heading back...... I heard callings.... my colleague moved and slipped along the way..... this was scary... but I need to keep my cool and rushed to help him.... calling out to scouts and getting some of them to aid him..... lucky thing.... my scouts are alright and 2 of them managed to help him.... we kept moving on.... all of us were exhuasted and wanna to give up.... but we encouraged each other....and sung songs....this is how we kept our spirits high.... and finally we made it to the exit.... along the way....all of us screamed due to horrible leeches.... which sucked our blood....painful bites from them.... I got hit by many posion ivy thorns.....and leeches bite.....and to make things worse..... my poor soles were bleeding due to deep cuts....but I need to move on...if not I cannot see my scouts again and my loved ones..... so I need to get out safely and alive.....

finally.... I thought we were going to enjoy the ride back home in the vehicle....who knows...this is juz purely accident.....the vehicle was not safe at all....the driver did not pull the hand brake fully.....and when we loaded up the pple.... out of the sudden...the vehicle went backwards.....and all of us including myself..... we were heading off the stream....and if the vehicle hit the stones....the vehicle would overturn....and all of us were going to die..... and at that instant.... my mind went blank.... I could not think and I could not react at all.... all I knew I was so going to die.... but I would die with regrets.... coz I have not say goodbye to my loved ones..... but lucky.... seriously lucky....one of the wheels went struck onto the big stones....and my leader ran to put up the handbrake.....then all of us pushed the vehicle back and rush back to the campsite..... this was the most scary thing I ever encounter.....and this is a great lesson learnt....and I would never wanna to experience again....

shaken by the fear.... I scolded my girls horribly but I did apologize and explain why.... coz I need to check whether all my scouts have return safely to campsite.....lucky all of them were there.....and still shaking .... I kept my cool and started giving pple first aid......but I forgot abt myself....till I made sure all my kids are safe and sound and they were resting well....

my whole body was hit by posion ivy thorns and my poor soles had stopped bleeding due to the soild and dirt....but my inner thighs and buttocks were bleeding due to bites....enduring the pain.... i rushed to bathe and sleep for the night....by the way.....we hiked for the past 7 hours or not... OMG.....

lucky for us....the next immediate day we headed back to our hotel and took a well deserving rest.... for the rest of the travel... it was juz purely having fun and laughters in order to forget abt this horrifying life threatening memory...... but all of us agreed that we missed the trip and wished that the trip could actually last longer ^^

weird dream

last nite..... had a weird dream.......

the sudden downpour caused massive flooding around me...... i saw pple running around..... i was in the midst of doing work........ then i called out to the pple around me to run towards the shelter...... and the erosion was so bad that most of the earth were eroded away by the rain..... there was a whirpool..... but lucky we were not affected though it drew near to us....

our belongings were slowly swiped away by the water..... i shouted out to pple to grab our stuffs..... i was sucked into the eroded earthern.... threw the stuffs away and quickly put myself out and ran to a safe envt..... i called out to others to keep digging to another safe place... pple were crying..... shaken..... dazed....... my voices could not reached them.......

i found myself witnessing the flood came rushing into the building........and lost to it................

so what does this dream mean??

no more.......

things are piling up yet i still trying to pull off by meeting the deadlines....

and i'm stressed out....totally stressed out and drained......

yet i would be facing more challenges and work ahead and meeting tons of deadlines........

if only i could choose....... i would choose.............
but it would be irresponsible of my own actions............

the more i tried to safe guard my loved ones feelings........ i hurt them and that the last thing in my mind........ i faced cases like this..........and turned out that things gone haywired ......... but at least i learnt something from there.........

it is so easy to tell others.....hey juz talk it out to others.........and u feel better..........
but it is so difficult for pple like me.......... i'm not expressive and i tend to keep on talking abt it and this make pple feel so sick abt it.............. and my job?? why pple tends to put labels onto me......... and it is making me feeling breathless..... feeling lost..... feeling frustrated........feeling so bottled........... what can i do........

i have no means of ways to tell pple........ when i try to tell others how i feel........ things would be cut off....... maybe this is it...... i shld have learn to listen even more than talking....

so no more talking....... no more talking .........

Linking depression with SAW movies

done with watching SAW series.... finally... praying hard that there's no more series if not there's no link to this serial killing anymore

well......it is fate that brought me to this series......it goes like this.....

this particular person is way too smart for anyone...and able to think way further than anyone else.... which is highly possible..... anyway he went on a killing spree after he found out that he got cancer and he wanted others to sort of making redemption/ repent on the things they have done in the past.... so he choose pple that he came across and those he deemed as bad person...by giving them a choice.... choose to live by hurting self/ others or choose to die...

this movie brought so many negative energy around...... to others it might be juz a movie which depicts killing...depicts psycho killer...... yet to me it is not......

it is more than juz that..... well can say i think too much or relate too much but this is what i see from the movies.....

it is saddening to watch this series..... though killing initially is bloody, distasteful...... so ugly.... look beyond the killing..... look beyond the blood....look beyond everything.... don't let such distasteful sight destroy the main concept of this story

pple are tied to chains....on the edge on dying.... they are screaming for help... this is similar to cases of depressions.... those pple who suffered from depressions are similar to this series.....
pple who suffered from depression.... some of them can identify some don't..... and all of them are tied down to chains... and these chains are locking them tight down.....

depression is like razor blades cutting their flesh..... painful yet not deadly.... unless left to bleed to its death... there are many pple who commit suicide due to depression..... in the movie... the pple are screaming for help yet in vain.... trying to find a way to survive thru the painful ordeal.... this is the true facts of life..... pple are screaming for help..... yet how many pple would be able to know.....

juz like in the movie.... all of the victims are locked in rooms which no one knows... this is the same.... pple suffering from depression....... they are locked in their own world with no clear marked exits.....no one can hear their screams..... it is not that they are not screaming yet their screams have been sealed off..... their ability to scream for help has been sealed for a moment... if they are strong enough..... and fast enough.... they would be able to fight back..... some pple are more fortunate...... coz they have been found by others and been saved by others.... then after which they found a new leash of life.......

but a twisted fact in this movie....which is also kinda true.... some pple may deemed to be freed and saved themselves and worked for the killer..... then in the end.... they would be killed..... this is the harsh reality for some pple..... there are cases whereby pple are on the road to recovery yet in the end.... they are been hit down by harsh reality once again and it dampened them further into the pithole.....and on the surface they deemed to be enjoying.... deemed to be living well.... but their emotional wellness are not......they are suffering yet no one knows.... and some of them have been marked by others stating that they shld have recovered or they shld not be suffering from it blah blah..... come to think again..... all of us are humans and we are bound by emotional ties....and we cannot escape from it.... and severity of the damage depends besides on the person who is suffering and the pple ard them...... whether there're support for them....

if not .... this would be forever silent screaming.........

sigh....

ever wonder have the things that i am working on for so long have been affecting my whole life?? i never given a thought to it.... till lately....

and re-considering the things i am going to do in the near future... would it further affect my life?? i seriously have no confidence in it.. coz it is difficult to say.... i am worried yet not willing to give up to do the things i loved so much... would i be able to find the inner peace to get it done??

judging from the things i saw.... i heard.... i guess i have to move on and fast.... time to let it go

letting my anxiety get it to me.... so be it... at least i have another direction i can move on.....

allow me to pray hard that i can find my own place, my directions, my purpose in life fast

District 9

hmmm it has been a long time since I've written anything on my blog....

well many things have changed and shifted ^^ for the better or worst... this is something that no one knows..... till the day comes... so juz get on with living and be happy.....

hmmm welll went to watch DISTRICT 9 .... juz before the show was about to be removed from screening...

seriously.... I don't really wish to watch this show at the initial stage.... then went online to see the reviews.... and of coz my guy wanna to watch the show... so as his girl.... I went ahead to watch that show....

well... to my surprise.... though I did not know who are those artistes...the show was worth watching... alot of discussion points found in this show.... aliens found in mother earth...... and they had been living in this planet named EARTH for 2 decades....

anyway I would not comment on the story... yet on what I have gotta from the show.. racial discrimination.... hahaha.. ya of coz this is the main component of the movie!!.....

coz aliens are considered as other races.....and thru the flim... the producers wanna us to understand that racial discrimination.... and other sorts of discrimination....are creating massive problems..... well these are the harsh facts of life.... yet how many pple would agree upon and act on it... with so many world crisis at hand.... would pple be able to understand the need to leave in peaceful envt?

tough.... i guess... coz most of the pple are blinded by the immediate/ present situation.... and would not be able to take a step back to reflect what has happened along the way... not many pple are able to that... and it is very saddening....

The House on the Left

Hmm ... yesterday managed to catch a show title "the house on the Left"

hmm okie this time round... I really admitted that I am growing old.... coz last time when I watch such bloody movies....horror movies..... ar.... I was not even blinked or scared.... omg!! yesterday that show was a killer to my tummy.....

hmm or shld i put in this way.... when you read the title.... probably you have guess what kind of show you would be watching.....and in the end you would be fully prepared for it....... but not yesterday that movie....

this movie has yet show in Singapore..... well.... not sure which cat. this movie would be in.... apparently in Malaysia.... it is rated as 18PL ...... well I shld not write abt the movie..... coz this is not a movie review ^^

well I would say after watching this movie..... anyway this movie is a re-make movie which first shown in 1972....... this movie indicated a key point to the audience..... hahaha not too sure whether this is director's main key point >.<

anyway after watching this show.... it brought sense to me........ normal human beings are capable of doing alot of things including a weak young lady.... powerless in every situation....... yet for survival .......even the little lady is able to fight her way thru despite all the pain, shame...... all she wanna is to survived and be with her loved ones...

yes indeed ...... to be with our loved ones is crucial..... and almost critical to me...... it did set me thinking...... if I am the one who faced such harsh situation...... would I be able to fight like the young lady and fought my way thru juz to stay alive for my loved ones....... never thought it ..... lol....but after watching this show...... it does indicate 1 thing to me..... I need to spend more time with my loved ones and creating memories with them..... as memories would be the key to memorial of one.......

Prone to Injuries...

sigh.... not the first time... but I juz simply too clumsy haha....

well this time round even better.... used to injured my left ankle when i was around 12.... it was my first time to suffer in pain yet I treated it as nothing... ar yet endured the pain.... I remembered what my parents said, what my teachers said before... if you can endure thru the pain... you could endure thru your life....

er well.... it is true to certain extend... but I think such pain...shld not be endure thru.... haha coz it is an injury.... it would be best to see consult a doctor asap... and not leaving your poor ankle in pain... well like I did... so.... sigh... by the time I went to consult a doctor... my doctor said to me..... I had damage my ankle so badly that it could not recover well and would not recover fully.....so my left ankle is more prone to spraining.... haha what a crap you may think.... well of coz if you walk properly then it shld be alright... but.... hehe I have tendency to walk without looking..... faint.... haha my weakness but I would try to overcome it de....

anyway last friday I sprained my right ankle during BBQ....lucky thing my friend was there to send me home.... sigh if not think I cannot reach home early and need to drag my poor ankle back home....

so went to see doctor on sat morning... haha my doctor told me... your left ankle also injured!!! faint... that's means both of my ankles need to be wrapped!! then how!! my sis's bday on that day.... and we are celebrating for her.... haha juz go ahead haha what a funny thing...to walk super slowly like old grannies in their 100's hahaha.... and lucky even better... haha... I went to watch TRANSFORMERS!!!

haha but not too bad lah.... after which I went back home in 1 whole piece.... ^^ but right now suffered from sore pain from ankles... for walking too much

haha the best is to rest if you are need it and don't push it too hard and suffer in the future...

Unpredictable....

alot of things in life are unpredictable.... it happens when it is least expected.... and at times the events are so hurting yet willingly to go thru the events.... coz you know that the events are part and parcel of life......

at times... pple would think that it would be crazy to go thru the pain... and would even question is it worth the pain or is it worth the tears? I used to think in this manner... I could not understand why some pple are willing to go thru the struggle... yet ... lately... I began to see the light... and slowly begin to understand what others are going through....

Dreams.... goals.... whatever I used to desire... I have dropped it along my years of working... I've never desired to obtain those again.... yet I faced with a certain event.... which push me to re-think... shld I have the willpower to move forward again and re-find my true self? Would I be able to get my desired happiness?

I would say... thru out my years of living....I'm always been blessed by God and been loved by so many pple.... even now I'm truly blessed.... and I would say I have no regrets to live till this age...but I'm a greedy person whom tend to desire more out of the normal...this is something I need to learn... learning to let go....learning to desire less....learning to take things more lightly....maybe then I would live a much better life than now.... maybe learning to let go means learning to love...... at times holding too tightly would means causing pain to self and others...

I do not have much time now... I do not have much time to learn these.... I need to accept all these and learn it now before it gets too late.....And wish that after all these I would be a stronger person to handle events that might shake my world...rock my work or crush my world.... I'm working on it now...though I have to swallow down all my tears... I have to make it thru.... Crying alone is my only solution and console to myself...yet now I could not cry... and I cannot cry...coz crying is only means escaping from the pain temporary.... I would like to stop crying...and promise myself I would try my best not to cry in public again...never cry in front of others....crying is my only comfort....and getting out of my comfort zone is tough yet I still need to do it.....

hOliDays >.<

finally ^^ Holidays are here.... long waited break....

hmmm come to think of it.... my job does give me a break when i needed.... so though I met with challenges... I think it is worth the effort...coz I get to see my kids grow

anyway... this year... sigh I don't have much time to rest anyway.... coz I was given another job ^^ haha it is okie... well juz take it with a pinch of salt... and treat this as a different way to spend my holidays.... haha it is good for me ^^ coz at times... given too much a break.... I would be bored to death... haha not sure what can I do next before the school term starts.... and similar to the youngsters... would think why why the school term start without a blink

haha I guess this is human nature ^^ anyway would be using this holiday of mine to create more great memories and enjoyable moments.....

Thank You~

Hmmm ar...today is my Bday ^^

and seriously~ never I would thought that I would be celebrating my Bday in such special and sweet moments ~

well on thursday ~ a few of my scouts (including my cousin) celebrated my Bday in school ^^ and bought me gifts^^ haha seriously I did not expect that to happen~ and when they mentioned that they need to see me urgently I thought there's something important!! and who knows it turned out to be a pleasant surprise ^^ they bought cake and gifts for me~ thanks girls ^^ and thanks to 1T1 girls too ^^ thanks for the gift ^^

haha next is yesterday 2nd May ~ lol ... my graduated student (whom also my scout ~ Christine) msged me whether I'm free to meet her for dinner ^^ it has been so long I went out with her...and she told she would get another girl (JiaYing) along for dinner... of coz I would meet both of them ^^ I really missed them ^^ so I went ahead and met them ^^.... ar we travelled to Central and walked to look for clothes ^^.... haha who knows!! out of the sudden... 1 familiar voice dropped the bomb!! lol it is my SON aka WeeTiong ^^ haha then went out to see... haha I saw my another SON aka YuXuan and my Brother aka Marcus ^^ haha it was a wonderful surprise ^^ really very happy to see them ^^ haha we went for dinner then head down for K box....^^ really very happy to see all them ^^

then another great surprise came by to me ..... ~ WeeKeong and Garbiel my ventures ^^... lol out of the sudden~ Garbiel Msg me ...and I thought Sherlyn needed the information fast!! so I rushed back home to find the information for her.... who knows!! when Garbiel msg me to open my house door~ I found a gift lying outside the door!! wah ^^ super cutie!! it is pluto!! haha then 2 of them came out to wish me happy Bday ^^ it was great to see them too.... esp they have juz started lesson in poly....

I'm greatly touched by their gestures.... never thought that I would enjoyed my Bday in this manner.... seriously I was really very happy^^

thanks pple ^^ I would work hard this year and may my wish come true ^^